After the Storm…

Isaiah 55:10 – “For the mountains may depart and the hills disappear, but even then I will remain loyal to you.  My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the LORD, who has mercy on you.

It was a long storm for my 24 year old heart. Three years spent in and out of a tumultuous relationship that was going nowhere and leaving heartache in its wake. I was 21 when I met him. Young and insecure. Just out of college. Ready to leave the comforts of Lawrence, Kansas with no idea of where to go.

Moving in with him seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

I had almost no money. The only apartment I could’ve afforded was in a part of town where nice girls didn’t walk around alone. “It’ll be fun,” we said. “It just makes sense,” I decided.

I wasn’t there long before I’d lost all sense of self.  Nothing mattered except pleasing him.  I blew off friends, avoided family members, and laid aside plans.  If only he could’ve been pleased.  But I wasn’t what he wanted, just convenient.  I spent my only two weeks of vacation driving him around the country one summer while he worked for a photographer.  The miles went on my car, the gas on my card, the guilt on my conscience.  I knew what I was doing was wrong.

I begged and pleaded for God to change his heart.  Instead, He changed mine.  By breaking it.  After living in an awful situation for about a year, everything hit a boiling point, and I cracked.  I packed my car…drove to Texas…and vowed to start obeying God.

May of 1996 to October of 1998 was a season of storms.  Brought on by myself, but God used them for my growth.  This blog is about cleaning up after the storm.

We live in a society that is fascinated with weather and weather prediction.  We know what storms can do.  We’ve seen the devastation they can cause.  We want to be prepared.  In a physical storm, we tend to “hunker down and wait it out,” or even evacuate.  We know not to get out in it, and we don’t drive unless we have to.  But in our spiritual life, we can’t really do that, can we?  We can’t hide.  We still have to get up and function every day.  Sometimes we have to get out there in it and face the rain.

So what do we do when it’s over?  When the worst has happened and the emptiness sets in?  After the funeral and the “I’m so sorries?”  Or the divorce papers are finalized and it’s his weekend with the kids?  What do we do with what’s left?  We trust God to rebuild us.

Isaiah 55:10-12 – “For the mountains may depart and the hills disappear, but even then I will remain loyal to you.  My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the LORD, who has mercy on you.  “O storm-battered city, troubled and desolate!  I will rebuild you on a foundation of sapphires and make the walls of your houses from precious jewels.  I will make your towers of sparkling rubies and your gates and walls of shining gems.”

This Scripture is so rich with compassion and promise.  “For the mountains may depart and the hills disappear…”  Let me tell you something.  When I was broken, completely broken, I took the few possessions I had and left.  I had no money, and humbly accepted my parents’ gracious offer to let me move home.  My literal, physical surroundings were gone.  My mountains had departed and my hills disappeared!  And God was loyal to me. 
He is so faithful to us…He is!  I can promise you His hand was on it all along.  In Kansas City, I couldn’t get a radio program director to even call me back for an interview.  In Dallas, the first one I talked to on the phone hired me for an off-air position.  Not long after that I was working at a different station on the air.  Not long after that I had a show on from 7 to 11pm.  Two years after that I joined the Dorsey Gang on 96.3 KSCS in Dallas/Fort Worth. 

Where are you right now?  Are you in a storm?  Just out of one?  These words are for you!  “O storm-battered city, troubled and desolate!”  That was me.  Battered.  Troubled.  Desolate.  But God was so faithful, and He still is.  He has rebuilt me, fully and completely.  I look at my husband now, and thank God that He used whatever means necessary to get me to a place where I could meet and fall in love with Mike.  I remember my old heart.  I left God no choice but to break and rebuild it.

Sometimes people ask me why I’m so bold about my past and my struggles.  It’s because that is not who I am anymore.  I can tell you about these things because they no longer define me.  I want this freedom in Christ so badly for you that I am willing to sacrifice my reputation, my pride, and anything else that might get in the way.  Jesus is the only one who can rebuild you.  You’ve been through struggles, I have too!  You’ve seen real pain, I have too!  You’ve wanted to quit, and I have too!  But I didn’t quit.  When the very foundations of my life were shaken to the core, I held on to my faith in Christ…I hold on today as if my very life depended on it, and it does!

Isaiah 61:3 – To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair.  For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory.  This promise is for YOU…but you have to claim it.  You have to believe it.  And if you can’t, if you feel your faith isn’t strong enough, ask Him to strengthen it.  You certainly won’t be the first person to come to the Lord with that request.  I’ve knelt at His feet many times asking Him to take away my doubt. 

I want to end on one more promise from the Lord.  He does tell us storms will come, but He also tells us they will cease.  Isaiah 60:20 – “The sun will never set; the moon will not go down.  For the LORD will be your everlasting light.  Your days of mourning will come to an end.”  Halleluiah, and amen.  Now claim that for yourself.