Reverse Psychology

John 14:21 – “Those who obey my commands are the ones who love me.  And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them.  And I will reveal myself to each one of them.”

Not too long ago, my daughter and I had one of those days.  The kind of day where everything you say is met with attitude, every request you make is answered with whining, and every kind word you offer is declined.  The kind of day that just needs to end, preferably sooner rather than later.

As I started the dinner preparations, I heard our dog scratching at his bowl.

“Caitlyn, could I please ask you to feed Jim for me?”

“No!” Came her sullen reply.  Well, I did ask, I thought to myself.

“Let me rephrase that.  Caitlyn, please put two scoops of dog food into Jim’s bowl.”

“I don’t want to!  Make Nicky do it!”  At this point, I had had enough.

“Ok, fine,” I said curtly, striding toward the laundry room.  “I’ll do it.  And I will certainly remember this the next time you need my help.  I just might not want to help you, either.”

Reverse psychology at its finest.  A trick I learned from my own parents, once upon a time.

“Fine, I’ll do it!” She shouted.

“Oh no, you won’t.  I don’t want your help.  Not with that attitude.”

The scenario played itself out, resolving with a firm mother and a weeping daughter.  As we headed upstairs for tubs (almost always taken before dinner at our house), Caitlyn turned to me and buried her head in my chest. 

“I’m sorry mommy,” she whimpered, “Did you stop loving me?” 

Overcome with emotion, I sat her down on the steps and looked her in the eyes.  “Sweetheart,” I said, “Don’t you know that there is nothing you could do that would make me not love you?”  I wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks and continued, “My love for you has nothing to do with your behavior.  There is nothing you could do that could make me love you more, and there is nothing you could do that could make me love you less.”

“But why do you love me so much?” she sniffled. 

“Baby,” I whispered, “because you’re my daughter.  I don’t know how to not love you.  Your life is more important to me than my own.  I will never, ever, ever stop loving you.”

Satisfied, Caitlyn snuggled further into my arms and sighed, as I discreetly wiped away a tear of my own.

“And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them…”

I am in the process of preparing my testimony, my full-blown, warts-and-all testimony, for a group of women.  As I look back on my life and the choices I’ve made at times, I simply shake my head in amazement.  I’ve denied You so many times with my thoughts…my words…my actions…my inactions.  God…why do you love me so much?

I am going to tell you what He told me.  This is the best news you will ever hear: God’s love for you does NOT depend on you.  Did you catch that?  Read it again: God’s love for you DOES NOT DEPEND ON YOU.  He is God.  YOU do not have the power to change His love for you.  You can’t do enough good deeds to make Him love you more, and you can’t sin enough to make Him love you less.  You can’t impress Him with your knowledge or outdo Him with your wisdom.  You can’t out-give Him and you can’t out-love Him.  You can’t surprise Him or shock Him.  Your circumstances don’t rattle Him.  Your fears don’t frighten Him.  His love for you has little to do with you.

It has everything to do with Jesus.

John 16:27 – “For the Father Himself loves you dearly because you love me and believe that I came from God.”*

Allow those words to sink in.  Let them penetrate the protective shell surrounding your heart.  He knows every thought you’ve ever thought.  Every word you’ve ever said.  Every dollar you didn’t tithe.  Every Sunday you skipped church.  Every time your actions have denied His Presence in your heart.  And still He loves you with a love your mind can’t comprehend.  A love that would send His Son, His only Son, blameless and perfect in His sight, to the cross.  And here is another piece of wonderful news: He did this knowing you would sin, and continue to sin.

John 15:16a – “You didn’t choose me, I chose you.”

God chose Abraham, knowing that he would lie.  God chose Moses, knowing he would murder a man with his bare hands, and then spend an entire chapter of Scripture arguing with Him.  God chose Sampson, knowing he would choose Delilah. God chose David, knowing he would commit adultery with a side of murder.  Jesus chose Peter, knowing he would deny Him three times in one night.  He chose Matthew, a hated tax-collector.  He chose Saul (later Paul), knowing he would slaughter Christians. 

He’s also chosen you.  And His love for you has little to do with you.  Yes, you are His child, precious in His sight.  He made you perfectly unique and has numbered the hairs on your head and the days of your life.  But His love for you doesn’t hinge on your behavior or depend on your attitude.  It rests solely on the shoulders of His Beloved Son.  And His Son was, is, and always will be, perfect.

John 15:16a-17 – I appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.  I command you to love each other.”

This is how we are able to love others the way God commands us to.  Our love for them, particularly those difficult to love, does not need to depend on them.  It depends on Jesus.  We don’t have to like them.  But we do have to honor them, respect them as a created child of God, and serve them, because we love Jesus.

1 John 4:10 – This is real love.  It is not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

Dear Heavenly Father, it sounds so trite to say thank You for loving us like You do, but thank You for loving us like You do.  Let us feel the weight of that love.  Let us know the freedom of that love.  Let us never seek the world’s approval, validation, or acceptance over Yours.  God, we ask that You would soften our hearts to receive Your love and to live our lives in light of it.  Fill us until we overflow onto those around us.  What a relief, to know that our love for those in our lives does not need to depend on them!  It is an extension of our love for You.  Help us to love You more.  Help us to know You more intimately.  Help us to hear Your voice.  Help us to feel the Holy Spirit.  Let everything we do honor and glorify Your Son.  Thank You for Jesus.  Thank You for the work of the cross.  Let us never take it, or Your love for us, for granted.  It is in the beautiful, magnificent name of Jesus that we pray.  Amen.

*Emphasis mine