Today’s Daily Bread ~ My Selfishness…
12 Oct
Philippians 2:3-4 – Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.
This past weekend, I had the great honor of working an incredible event called The Walk to Emmaus. It’s at a retreat center in North Texas, and focuses on the unending, unconditional, and unfathomable love of Christ. This is the third time I’ve been blessed by the experience. The first was in October of 2009, when I went on the walk as a pilgrim. The second was in May of 2010, when I worked on the outside servant team. This time I got to almost relive my own journey, as a member of the conference room team.
On my walk as a participant, I was blown away. I had never felt so deeply immersed in the love of Christ. I had never felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so keenly. This time, I was longing for the same thing.
I got to the resort site with a heavy, but hopeful heart. I have a decision to make, and I was praying earnestly that God would not only give me guidance, but write it in neon lights across the sky. I’m not afraid to take a leap if I know I’m following orders. I just need to be crystal clear on the orders.
By Saturday, I was exhausted and frustrated. Not only had God not given me an answer, He was giving me the silent treatment. And the more urgently I prayed, the greater the distance between us seemed to grow. Finally, I felt the familiar whisper I’d been seeking. But it wasn’t the answer I’d been wanting.
“Child, be still. You are my daughter, but you are also my servant. And this weekend is NOT ABOUT YOU.” I almost fell out of my chair. That would’ve been enough for me, but He continued, “You tell me your life is mine. You tell me your deepest desire is to make my Name known, my voice heard, and my love experienced. Start doing it. You say you want to minister to others, but do you? Ministry calls for great sacrifice. I know you’re tired, and I know you’re confused. You’re troubled about many things. I will tell you what you need to know in My own time. My plan for your life is in progress, and it’s perfect. Now let go and go love.”
My selfishness and self-centeredness absolutely astound me sometimes. Just when I think I’m starting to start to get it right, pride pokes up. How is it that I so easily fall back into the swamp of self? The pit of pity?
God is the only Being in the universe that could say those things and still fill me with the feeling of greatest love at the same time. I still felt cherished. I knew He was with me. But I was making it all about me. And you know what? It’s not about me. It’s about Jesus.
As I was able to let go of my own troubles and focus on the precious women around me, the most marvelous thing happened. They ministered to me as I was ministering to them. They gave me a sense of purpose. I began to see exactly why God had called me to the Denton Area Emmaus Community’s 48th Walk. As His plan unfolded, my issues dissolved. He is on it. He has always been on it. He is ahead of us and behind us. He tells us when to work and when to rest. He shows us the great and awesome plan for our lives one piece at a time. Sometimes the pieces don’t appear to fit. Wait. Just because nothing seems to be happening doesn’t mean our Heavenly Father isn’t working. On the contrary, He is working all things for the good of those who love Him. And He reveals Himself to all who seek Him. Let us seek Him relentlessly all the days of our lives.
Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive us for making it all about us. Write it on our hearts, Father. It’s not about us. It has never been about us. It has always been about Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. It is about loving the lost, and lighting the way for those wandering through the dark. It’s about extending the Great Invitation, and the same endless mercy, grace and forgiveness that Christ extends to us. We love You so much, God. Please multiply our faith exponentially. Please touch our hands to heal, touch our hearts to love, and touch our eyes to see the world as You see it. Bless us to bless others, Father. We ask these things in the beautiful name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Rebecca, don’t be too hard on yourself. We are, afterall, still human, and by nature, we are self-centered. Remind me to tell you of a vision I had while I was caring for Lora. Jesus spoke to me in no uncertain terms, that my service was not about me but about Lora. We all struggle with issues of wanting our own ways in our own time. I have such a great respect for your open honesty, and vulnerability to share your trials and your triumphs. I know you will find your way to serve our Lord, but trust the Holy Spirit when he speaks. He truly is “on it”. And always in the best timing, God’s timing. You minister every day, in many ways. Live those moments with joy, and don’t try to force the next step. When it is time, it will be made abundantly clear, and the steps will come naturally, and easily. I love you dearly.
Blessings and *hugs*
Cindie
I remember a time when I wanted something in “my time” and not God’s time. It was so frustrating and I did not understand how God could “punish” me for so long. Finally, when I gave it to him and just let it go, I got my miracle/blessing of becoming a Mother. After many fertility treatments, and being told IVF may be the only way of possibly getting a child, I had given up my dream of becoming a Mother. God knew it was on my heart. He knew his will for me. You can only imagine how shocked I was to find out I was pregnant in December of 2007. It was surreal until I held my baby girl in my arms in July 2008. Two years later, God has once again blessed me, and I’m expecting another baby in January.
God is so good Rebecca! He speaks to you and you share it with us. Many of us need you to help us get through our days. You are serving the Lord on a daily basis, and I am glad to be able to benefit from it!
Let me reiterate what the ladies above said…your honesty inspires us. You ARE ensuring that those around you do not feel “left out”.
Although this past weekend may not have been directly about you, but about your servanthood; and although you were anxiously awaiting a blessing of some sort, as Cindie said, we are human. The thing that sets you apart is that you listen and you are seeking him in all things.
I have felt God calling me since I was very young. I still do not know exactly what task he intends for me. However, he put me at Walk #48. Not #1 or #47. He put me there to be loved and inspired by the women of Walk #48. And you were a big part of that.
You speak the truth. God said it to you. The weekend was not about you. But, do not forget that the big picture IS about you. I understand the point you were making, but in case you were indeed being too hard on yourself, remember that you have told many many people that it IS about them. Well, that includes you, my sister! <3
"Rock" on!
Sherry