Today’s Daily Bread ~ Starburst Jellybeans

Genesis 19:24-26 – Then the LORD rained down fire and burning sulfur from the heavens on Sodom and Gomorrah.  He utterly destroyed them, along with the other cities and villages of the plain, eliminating all life – people, plants, and animals alike.  But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following along behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.*

Running a few minutes late, I quickly herded my kids into the building.  I got Nicholas squared away, then scurried to get Caitlyn to her classroom.  “Sorry I’m late!” I said breathlessly, as I signed my daughter in.  “No problem,” smiled Mrs. Eshenour.  “Did you bring your Easter items?”

Like I dear caught in the headlights, I stared at Caitlyn’s teacher.  “The eggs,” she smiled.  “You had signed up to bring eight plastic eggs filled with starburst jellybeans.

“Right,” I said.  “Of course.  I’ll be back in twenty minutes.” 

“You can turn them in at the end of class,” she replied sweetly, and then reiterated, “Eight eggs with starburst jellybeans.”  “Got it!” I replied, as I dashed toward the door.

Berating my forgetful self, I buckled in and started the car.  “Okay,” I debated silently, “Wal-Mart or Target?” Since I knew exactly where the Easter display was, I chose Wal-Mart.   

I parked my car and strode purposefully into the store; a woman on a mission.  I grabbed a cart, headed toward the candy, and started to search.   “Starburst jellybeans.  Starburst jellybeans.  Surely they have starburst jellybeans in a store this size.”  They had starburst fun packs, starburst big packs.  Jolly rancher jellybeans, braches jellybeans, jelly-belly jellybeans.  Chocolate bunnies galore, peeps of every shape and size.  It looked as though I had entered into the Easter Bunny’s secret vault: every single kind of candy under the sun except starburst jellybeans.

I sighed.  Just my luck, I said to myself.  I had a list a mile long of things to do.  Since I was already there and the prices were cheap, I started picking out Easter items for my kids.  I found the plastic eggs and made my way toward the cashier.  I stopped for one last look through the jellybeans.  They will never know if you don’t use starburst jellybeans, whispered a little voice.  You really think they’re going to pop those open and look to see if they’ve got the ‘starburst’ stamp on it?  I toyed with the notion.  I slowly reached toward the jolly rancher jellybeans.  And that’s when I heard it, loud and clear.  The cheery voice of Mrs. Eshenour chirping, “Eight eggs with starburst jellybeans!”

I paid for my things and headed to Target.  “Okay Lord,” I said out loud.  “Clearly there is something you want me to see or do at Target.  Let’s go.”

After a few panic stricken moments of fruitless searching, I found what I was looking for.  I paid for my jellybeans and went back home to stuff the eggs.

The show, “Focus on the Family,” was on the radio.  The host was interviewing a man with a southern drawl, who was talking about fear.  “You know,” he said, “In all my research, I’ve found that mankind’s biggest fear is the fear of being insignificant.  It’s the fear of not mattering.  We all want to be taken seriously.  We all want to leave some kind of mark when we leave.”  I turned up the radio and leaned in.

The speaker continued, “If we want to really outlive our life, we need to trust that God will open the doors.  And,” he emphasized, “We need to trust Him when He closes doors.  I had a hard time with that.”  He went on to explain that he’d felt God telling him to step down as senior pastor of his church in San Antonio, and that he’d really struggled with it.

Eventually I discovered that I was listening to one of my favorite authors, Max Lucado, who was promoting his book, “Outlive Your Life.”  And I realized that God had orchestrated my entire morning so that I would hear those words: “We need to trust Him when He closes doors.”

Genesis 19:26 – But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following along behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

I have been struggling a bit.  I have been clinging to something that God is telling me to let go of.  Something that made me feel relevant, that gave me a sense of identity.  I had a hunch that this might happen, when I stepped away from radio. 

I have a passion, a fire in me, to encourage women to find their identity in Christ.  To let go of the world’s definition of success and beauty, and see themselves through the eyes of Jesus.  I want to share my story, telling them where I’ve been and showing them what He has delivered me from.  I want them to know that if God can deliver me; if God can give me a clean heart and clean hands; if God can redeem me…He can most certainly deliver you. 

As I think about my story, I know that God is telling me to turn a page, to let go of my part-time status at KSCS, and follow Him with an undivided heart and mind.  I know that He is telling me that He doesn’t need my job to launch a speaking ministry.

We cannot move forward when we are looking back.  I ran track my senior year in high school.  I had no speed, so they placed me with the distance runners.  My races were the mile and two mile run.  I remember one particular meet when I broke a cardinal rule; I looked back to see where my competition was.  It did two things: it slowed me down and caused me to bump into another runner.  After I crossed the finish line (third from last) my coach let me have it.  “You don’t ever look back,” he scolded. “Don’t worry about their race.  Worry about yours!”

I have left a lot of things in my past.  A distorted body image.  Alcoholism.  Failed relationships.   And now, I can feel God closing another door.  I can almost hear the Holy Spirit whispering, Let go of it, child.  You don’t need it to be relevant.  I make you relevant.  Seek your identity in me.  Let go of the past.  Stop looking back.  Behold, I am about to do a brand new thing!

Isaiah 43:18-19a – But forget all that – it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.  For I am about to do a brand-new thing.  See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?   

Dear Heavenly Father, it can be so hard sometimes to let go of the past.  It is so tempting to turn things over and over in our minds and dwell on what might’ve been.  Whether it’s a relationship, a job, an addiction or a way of life, if You have shut the door on it, help us to leave it alone.  God, we ask you to give us a clear sign today if there is something You want us to move on from or let go of.  Help us to trust You when You close doors, and trust You to open new ones.  We love You so much, Lord, and we know that Your way is perfect.  But walking by faith, rather than sight, can be frightening.  Help us to walk out on that wire with You.  Help us to let go of things that are holding us back from the adventure with You!  Let us feel Your calming Presence today, God.  Let us feel the warmth of Your love.  Help us to shine Your light and be a blessing to others.  Give us strength and courage.  Free us for joyful obedience.  Keep the work of the cross at the forefront of our minds, and help us to extend the love, grace, mercy and hope of Jesus Christ to others.  It is in His beautiful, precious name that we pray.  Amen.

*emphasis mine