Wretched Me

 It occurs to me, as I sit here in an uncharacteristically down frame of mind, that I really am pretty wretched. For all my efforts to be better, I still miss the mark almost every time I pull the trigger. Case in point – talking to a friend today I asked a question about babies.  I kind of knew better – this person is very private. When said friend told me they didn’t appreciate me asking (again, I really did know better) I got very defensive. Then I got offensive. Sigh.

God doesn’t let me get away with these kinds of things for very long.  After the Holy Spirit pointed out my A.) nosiness and B.) pride, I wasted no time in apologizing.  First in person.  Again in text.  And now I’m sitting here feeling like an idiot.  Where was the Christ-like compassion?  What’s the point in getting defensive?  And what did I accomplish by snipping back?  I’m just wretched.

I wish that were an isolated incident, but it’s not. 

I know that as a follower of Christ, I’m supposed to be the hands and feet.  I’m supposed to walk the talk.  Live a life above reproach.  Talk to me, spiritually mature Christians.  When does that kick in?

Thank God for grace, right?  There’s plenty of room in the boat I’m sitting in if anyone wants to climb in and stay awhile.  After all, even the apostle Paul said, “I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do the very thing I hate.  I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good.  But I can’t help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do these evil things (Romans 7:14-14).”

Well, here’s the answer for anyone waiting with baited breath.  It’s because Christianity is a walk.  It’s a progression, a process, and we’re not completed until we start eternity.  Philippians 1:6 – And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.  To break it down, God won’t quit on us.  Not ever.

My daughter is 4 years old, and Mike and I have tossed around the idea of getting her a bike.  I asked my mother if teaching a child to ride is difficult, and she gave me some incredible insight.  I’ll just quote her as best as can:

“Well honey, it really wasn’t that tough, because you wanted to learn how.  The little girl across the street had gotten a new bike, and you wanted to ride with her.  So we bought you a little pink bike, and let you get used to it with training wheels.  That satisfied you for awhile, but then you wanted them off.  Your father and I wanted to take off one at a time, but you insisted that they both come off.  You wanted to ride like the big kids.”

According to my mom, she would run along beside me with her hands on the bike, slowly take them away, and then grab me when I started to wobble.  I asked her if she was afraid that I would fall and hurt myself.

“Oh no, I knew you would.  No one teaches a child to ride a bike and expects them to get it right the first time.  I just had the band-aids and the Neosporin ready to go.”

How much more then, does God extend that same grace to us?  When we accept Christ into our lives, no one expects us to get up and preach a sermon.  A good church offers classes to new Christians, and has staff members there to run alongside them and catch them when they start to wobble.  They’re expected to make mistakes, and need guidance and correction. 

My mother said the reason I learned to ride a bike fairly quickly is because I wanted to learn.  She saw my heart.  God sees ours.  He knows we’re trying.  And just like my mom didn’t throw out my bike the first (or 50th) time I fell, our Heavenly Father looks on in compassion and love when His children fall.  He has the bandages and ointment ready for us when we look up to heaven and cry, “Daddy!  I fell!”  And you know what I truly believe?  I believe He smiles as He tends to our hurting hearts.  Because each time we fall and get back up, we’re getting closer to all He has planned for us to be.  When we ask forgiveness from each other and Him, He gives us a new resolve, a new strength in our spirit to continue on.

Grace, anyone? I’ll take some.